Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
