i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
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