come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
