She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
