I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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