every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
