Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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