I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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