So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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