Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
