my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
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I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
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I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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