At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
