I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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