Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize