i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm at about main and main street
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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