but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I think my moral compass just broke
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
