Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
