is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
