my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
