Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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