Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
