when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
