Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
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He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me at "let me see your balls"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.