i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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