Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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