I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
