Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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