Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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