My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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