I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
