even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
