I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
