i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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