The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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