Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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