your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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