i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
