can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
