just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
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He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
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making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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