Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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