He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
