Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
