This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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