k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
