I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
