Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
