By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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