Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Did we literally take a cab across the street
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
