what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
