my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
