I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
