Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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