do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
i now understand why vodka
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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