Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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