What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
