this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
