i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
