So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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