Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
