If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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