Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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