pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
